How are we bringing up our children

I don’t know who has written this message as it was shared by a friend. But it is true to the letter, hence sharing here:

What kind of children are we creating???

A few weeks ago, I had attended a birthday party of my daughter’s friend. There they played a game, the age old ‘Passing the parcel’, however, what was different was the way it was played. The child who was caught with the parcel when the music stopped was asked to leave the circle, but with that parcel as the gift, and then a new parcel was introduced. The game continued till every child got a gift. I asked the mother what was wrong with the earlier version, the version we had all grown up with.

She said – “I do not like kids to be disappointed. See, here every child is happy as he or she gets to take a gift home.”

In another instance, I was in the park with my daughter. She was playing lock and key with her friends. Now, one of her friends fell down. Her mother, who was on the other side of the park ran to his son, all confused and upset. She scooped her son in her lap and started inquiring – “Are you hurt? Let me see! Do no cry! Shush, mama is here.”

The child, had a scraped knee, who was perfectly OK till then, started crying earnestly.

I was at a friend’s home for lunch. Her 5-year old daughter refused to eat what was cooked for lunch. My friends felt so guilty that her daughter would go hungry, that she cooked up her favourite pasta immediately. According to her, it was not the first time this had happened.

At the School Sports Day, there are no races, no competition. No first, second or runner ups. Because, everyone is equal, there should be no competition between the kids.

Kids today have a room full of toys and games. Some they ask, some they do not. But, they still get them.

Everything in excess is the new mantra of life.

Our parents taught us self-reliance, while we hover around our children and want to protect them at all costs. We like to hold our babies closer to the protection of the nest. We go out of our way and rustle up something when they don’t eat what’s cooked at home for everyone else, because we don’t them to sleep hungry. Instead of letting them play outside, we organize activities for them. We do their homework and their assignments. We even resolve their conflicts for them.

It makes me wonder, what will happen to these kids when they grow up?

Will they get a gift everytime they fail? Will they be able to handle disappointment? A child who has never been denied anything, how will he cope with rejections? There are a growing number of cases when kids run away from home or commit suicide because they are not able to deal with low marks in examinations or when they fail to secure an admission in an institution of their choice.

Will their parents keep them hidden in their bosom all their life? Our mothers never ran after us, a scraped knee was just that. She would ask us to wash it with some water and then forget about it. But, there was no drama that followed. Falling and hurting was a part of daily life for us. We cycled, climbed up trees and jumped from the stairs. Today, kids travel in elevators and escalators (because they might fall down the stairs and get themselves hurt). Earlier, kids walked and cycled. I hardly see kids walking nowadays, unless it’s for a kids’ marathon and they are required to pose for selfies with their cool mommies.

Will they shy away from competition or be able to survive it? OK, so we can accompany our kids till the college gate and sit in the waiting area while they appear for a job interview. 

A child who is never used to losing – how will he survive in the big bad world?

We are raising our kids to be adult babies.

So what should we do?

Stop telling our children that they are special all the time. They are not, at least not always. So reserve the praises for the times when they actually deserve.

Stop going out of the way to create happiness in their life. The life is a mix of joys and sorrows, and it is for a reason. We have no right to interfere with the nature. So let’s stop pretending that everything is all right when it’s not. Let the kids have their fair share of disappointments at an early age. It’s better to fall at 10, than at 40 !!

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Here is another such message sent by a school to the parents of its students in 2016:

Dear parent,

It’s quite disturbing to see that we in the recent days are unable to promise our children a safe world. It’s not in one place , one scenario , one region that we are able to tell our children everything is gonna be ok.

So sad the world is sinking in so many ways.

There is a society that is training the next generation not a divine Love, but an offensive and defensive mechanism only . We are living in an age where children are pampered so much that we are not willing to train them what is good and bad, just for the reason that they would be offended to hear a sound value lesson from us. Where are we leading them?

We do not want them to stand long, study long , take any kind of a pressure or challenge but be pampered for they can’t take so much is what has been set in our minds already.

We buy everything beyond our pockets for their pleasure and just for the reason of not wanting to say ‘no’ to them. Parents, what are we training our children with?

Leave alone corporal punishments that we used to have in our families and schools , for this age children, we do not even tolerate a strict word from a parent, neighbour or a teacher even if it were good for their growth. Society, what are we leading our children to?

A student of grade 2 hitting a grade 1 child in his groins which led to death is something that I can’t even think from the generation I come from.

Agreed, we had those little fights, quarrels , difference of opinions that we had as siblings and school mates which were silly as we think through now , but we never had courage to raise our hand and hit somebody. All because of the family back grounds and values that most of us have had. Our parents and our teachers taught us the value of our own life as well as others.

Let’s stop at this juncture and introspect ourselves if our children are being trained to respect the family that they live in, the schools that they go to , the relatives that they meet , the little friend circles that we and they have.

Stop and think if you have ever told your kid, ‘if somebody hits you hit him back with a bigger blow’ because I know a father who tells me that this is what he trained his kid to do…Oh my!!! wait and think where are we leading our children to?

Now we dare not tell our young boys to draw a line when they talk to girls, and to help our girls to dress decently and speak worthily for we would offend them in doing so. Then where are we leading them, my dear friends?

We know if the world is changing for better or for worse…

Humbly request society, big and small, to stop and think if our gadgets, technology , our lifestyle, our walk and talk , our interactions , are for good or bad to our children.

What do we want to give our next generation ? A world of hatred & threat , a family of war and conflict , a ‘No compromise’ attitude, a heart that craves for status and demeans the low,

OR

Love and respect for the next human, Love that covers all mistakes and forgives everyone and has the POWER to change the worst to the best!

I’m not judging anyone, but parenting needs a closer look.

I just read this heart rending news!

This is not just about this particular incident.

Parenting extremes are to be avoided. Being too strict or too liberal.

Especially parents off late, never teach them to accept a NO.

Reason?They think it’s love.

Probably kids cry, get bored or protest!!!

So parents go to the extent of manipulating their friends, teachers, relatives, neighbors…

Why?

My child should not cry!!

What does this teach the child?

“I can demand anything.

I can’t make adjustments in life.

I can’t accept a NO!”

Other extreme is to keep children under all kinds of rules for everything. While their friends enjoy all the freedom, they live only with rules, rules and rules. This brings rebellion and hypocrisy in them.

Unfortunate!!!

“Discipline your children and you can always be proud of them. They will never give you reason to be ashamed.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29:17‬

Ponder around these thoughts of a simple woman’s experience …

With High Regards and Respect for each one out there…

Yours sincerely

Principal